Drinking: pros and cons

I remember being a small kid with all these big ideas about morality and what the good and the bad people do. Back then, most things were black and white. I grew up in a family who didn't smoke or drink, who went to church every Sunday, and who lived a simple life. Back then I viewed smoking and drinking as unneccessary and extremely evil vices done only by those who were weak-minded and foolish. I promised myself never to drink or smoke in my life, and I believed that the temptation would never even be present in my life, since I viewed these habits as disgusting and downright gross.

Alas, high school brought me back to Earth regarding all my grand ideas of what is right and wrong. People who I never imagined would drink, drank. After I graduated high school, even I started drinking. Crazy world, it is. Now, even though I still think that I'm a good person inside, it's quite disappointing to look back and see how I fared with regards to my promises back then. Julian, the guy who would never drink. Julian, the guy who would never get his emotions get the best of him. College has definitely changed me. For better or worse, I'm significantly different from the kid who was extremely shy and quiet all those years back. Of course, I'm still quiet at times, but not entirely.

One of the reasons I actually started drinking was to get rid of what I thought was one of my major flaws back then - being shy. I found this to be a big problem once the high average class in my high school was dissolved and I was thrust to mingle with batchmates I hadn't even talked to in the 10 years I was in Zobel. To get over my fear of talking and socializing with people, I joined organizations. These were really good as I met a lot of friends. But after high school, I found out that drinking with people had its perks - it enabled me to speak more freely and be more friendly. Of course, it also gave me this tingly and all-so happy feeling inside that continues to be the reason I drink now, 3 years later.

What started out as a good thing though, has its limits. Everyone talks about how controlled drinking is the key to enjoying the whole thing - and avoiding having a major liver problem in the future. In the past year though, as I've met more friends and experienced more parties, I've found controlling myself a lot harder. In some cases, it's led to me punching a brick wall with my bare hands, and in some worse cases, it's led to me being harsh to people I barely even know and apparently even fighting and shouting. I just fear that in the near future, it might lead to some punches being thrown and me regretting ever starting drinking. I feel that although drinking is one of my best outlets to remove all the negative feelings inside and feel better, it's starting to become problematic in ways I never imagined myself to be in. Somewhere along the line I've got to find something else to get rid of my bad emotions. I'm not a particularly strong drinker, but my excess drinking has got to stop.

This leads me to my conclusion, which is simple and logical, but extremely difficult to do. I've always found that engaging in sports is one of my favorite things to do. I love playing with friends, especially when I win. My competitive drive just flows out freely whenever I get to play with friends. It's a great outlet to get rid of my bad vibes, and an even better one to address my other big issue in life right now - controlling my weight. It's so blatantly obvious that I have to reduce my drinking and start exercising that it bothers me how I can't seem to get myself on track. I always have this excuse of me being too tired from school, me not being able to study because of modulars, me having no one to play with, but sooner or later this HAS to stop.

My "plan" (one of many I've had trying to stop my weight gain these past two years) now is to exercise my ass off after this term, which incidentally ends in two weeks. Hopefully this plan actually gets done. Wish me luck!

Oh and PS, if you're my friend, please please don't let me drink too much the next time we see each other in a party. :))