A lot of people have their own "New Year's Resolutions" and have been blogging on Facebook about how they hope 2010's gonna be a great year and how they want to do this and that. I used to do all those things too, but I had a lack of inspiration to start this year. So no, I didn't make any "to do" lists, and no, I didn't think of things I should change or whatnot. Part of it is because of the reason earlier, but another part is because I never seem to accomplish my new year's resolutions anyway.
I'm really disappointed about how I failed to lose weight this past year. In fact, instead of getting thinner, I gained 30 fucking pounds in a year. That's a lot, considering I lost a lot of weight around the first quarter of the year running around school and stressing out about elections. It's not much of a stretch to say that I literally pigged out these past few months. Self-control, where have you been? It's not been a fun ride, weight-wise, to say the least.
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Right now I look at my sticky notes and I see a bunch of things I have to do before school starts, or at least a bunch of things I have to get ready for. Here's the list:
1. read blink
2. contest with sila lawin, aust, bri, magoo
3. contest with sila bri and frocks and sansan and zeb
4. thesis!?!?!?!
5. opec stuff with alan
It feels good to know that I have a lot of stuff to do. It feels even better to know that I'm actually planning to do a lot of things that don't involve just bumming around, surfing the internet, or drinking out with friends. The problem is, just looking at the list makes me cringe with horror. God knows how lazy-assed I am when it comes to doing things I'm not particularly interested in. Sure, my desire to win all those contests and become famous someday is big, but the drive just isn't there. It feels annoying that I'm just looking at the tasks now and yet I'm already very stressed.
Still, I have hope that I may rise up from my laziness and actually accomplish those tasks. If I win, then great. But right now, plainly conditioning my mind on doing those stuff will feel like victory for me.
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I always have had thoughts on romance and love and all that shit. There isn't a single day wherein I don't think about where I am now and what I have to do in order to have a lovelife. That's the consequence of lasting 20 years in this Earth without having had a single romantic relationship. And it's not like I don't want to have one or am reluctant to enter into one - my guy friends can attest to that! - It's just that it's really not that simple for me. I hate those guys who just slip in and out of relationships, enjoying themselves as they go along their merry way. I end up being friends with some girls who are victimized by these fuckers, and God knows how I'd give so much just to have one of them be my girlfriend. Alas, here I am, still single.
I attended the wedding reception of my Chinese friend's ate (or achi) over the weekend. The ambiance was amazing. It made me feel like I wanted to get married right then and there. The wonderfully-made videos and beautiful wedding pictures probably helped me get in the wedding mood. Until now, I still can't believe how beautiful the wedding was. I've been watching the music video the couple made for the wedding: http://vimeo.com/8433734 and I can't help but watch it over and over again. Hay, what I'd give to be that in love - and loved back.
Perhaps it has a stronger effect on me considering the fact that my Chinese friend was my crush when we were first year college. Plus, she looked extra beautiful during the wedding reception, and even sat beside me. Haha me and my craziness. I've always been devastated at the fact that she can only date Chinese guys, and I'm not Chinese. What can I do if my usual type is Chinita? Oh well. So much for all that shit.
Seriously, something's gotta happen sometime soon, right? My friends who are in relationships or those who've just gone through a break up tell me that it's better being single than being in a relationship. They say that you're more free and that you can focus on yourself more. Well, that may be true, but my line of reasoning is that that may be true in their situation, but not for me. Try being single all your life and see how it feels. What I'd give to be in a relationship.
This new year, I don't expect to do this or that. I have no resolution. I only request and hope that I lose weight, and I find true love. Please.
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